Learning to fully EMBRACE!

I don't question God. I don't question His Faithfulness I don't question His love for me I don't question God. There are times when life is going smoothly and out of no where you are hit with a curve ball that hits you so hard that you feel like you can't breath even if it is just for a second. There are times when we are struck with situations that are out of our control.  And for an analytical, reasoning person such as myself when you are hit with these both at the same time and you feel so confused, and every way you turn and try to reason it there is not a reason or justification. It's simply out of ones control. For some they can keep moving forward and not miss a beat, for some it leaves them lifeless and unable to get out of bed. For the analytical, overthinkers again you try to make sense of it all but you just can't. So you begin to move towards accepting it for what it is even without understanding and some days you do great with it and then t...

I woke up late today, I had to jump out of bed throw on clothes and run out the door. I hate when I starting my day rushed and frantic as it throws off my schedule. I had a busy morning, I saw student after student without breaks. About 11:15am it hit me. Today is December 10th. For some it's just another day for me it is a very monumental day. Tears began to run down my face despite my will as I wanted to stuff them back I had a lunch meeting coming up with a student and needed to get it together. The Holy Spirit had other plans.  December 10th, 2010 at about 11:15am I had departed the Phoenix airport with my mom and was headed towards LA. That afternoon I walked in the doors of Pacific Shores Hospital (PSH) in Oxnard, CA and signed myself in to round 2 of treatment for anorexia.  I was angry, bitter, yet numb. I was so ashamed that I had to be back. I knew that day that I would be in treatment for Christmas and New Years. I also knew that I would miss the birth of my...

At time's I've been known to be a neat freak. Although I don't think my mother would agree. There were always arguments growing up between my sister and I of whose clothing or belongings were on the floor in the room or who made the mess in the bedroom we shared. We have since laughed about this and I still often say "Cristina is the messy one". She is a mom who goes to bed with dirty dishes in the sink, laundry coming out of the baskets, unmade beds etc. And as a single young adult there was part of me that didn't understand this. You see I have some OCD tendencies that I think are learned behaviors. I struggle to go to bed at night without making sure all the dishes are in the dish washer or are clean. I try but often fail to make sure the house is picked up and I use to be able to clean my entire house in just a few hours so never really understood why my sister didn't constantly have laundry going and why she had dishes in the dishwasher. You see t...

Here is a blog that I wrote on February 22nd, 2015: Sure God, I’ll do that when I’m married, no problem. This was my first initial response when God began speaking to my heart about becoming a foster parent. It seemed to be a passing thought in October 2014. The thought never crossed my mind that God would be calling me to be a “single parent”. So I didn’t think much of it as I was in the midst of grieving the loss of expectations and ideal relationships. My mind was overwhelmed and my heart was heavy. I was done and ready to check out. I was struggling in many areas of life yet I kept going day after day pushing through the muck. I had to keep going I didn’t have time not too. So to stop and think about being a foster parent well I didn’t have time to stop and think about it nor did I have the energy to entertain the thoughts. I love how even when we are weak and struggling God continues to pursue us because even though I didn’t stop to think or entertain the thought of being...

A million thoughts race through my head as my fingers press the keys on the keyboard. I never thought I would make it to this place.   I thought this place was for so many others but not for me. I tried to get here before just to mess up and fall right back down which led to such a deep feeling of shame. I remember telling myself so many times “why even bother”!   At the age of 9 years old I discovered purging. I didn’t know that’s what it was called and I had no idea what path it would lead me down. It was later in life that I would learn to restrict my food intake. No one knew the battle that I was facing as I put on the mask each day and smiled and let others think I was okay. When in reality I was in a very dark lonely place of counting calories, working out to the point of exhaustion and sometimes blacking out.   I was finally able to share my struggle with a close friend at the time she was my youth pastor.   She helped me through so much, she prayed with m...

Waiting at a doctors office can seem to take forever, you sit there looking at magazines or people watching while you also watch time slowly tick by on a clock.  Or what about waiting for a precious baby to be born, the waiting process seems to drag on and on and on. I still remember the day my oldest nephew was born. She checked in that morning to start the inducing process,  the rest of us got there around lunch time. We watched the clock as it slowly passed time and we anxiously awaited for the beautiful little miracle to be born. Sometimes when we are waiting on God it can also feel this way. You pray and pray and pray and then you wait, wait and wait some more. Well at least this is how I have felt over the last few months as I been caught in waiting. I graduated with my masters degree in May. Up to this point in my life I always had a pretty good idea of what was next in life. I would plan out my semester and take the classes I needed, but then the planning ended in ...

Today's blog isn't long or super profound but I hope you find it encouraging!  I believe God speaks to each of us in different ways at different times. Sometimes he speaks to us to through His word, sometimes through the lyrics of a song, sometimes it is through a message or prayer there are endless ways that he speaks to us and sometimes I believe he uses total strangers as angels to speak and minister to our spirit man. The other night while laying in the hospital bed I was listening to Laura Cooksey "Rest" trying to calm my anxieties and just rest in the Lord and in walked my nurse. And thats when it all started. She asked me what music I was listening too. You see I don't know about you all but some times I get timid and shy and instead of boldly saying "Christian" music I more or less just whisper it. But I told her who I was listening too and thats when she then proceeded to tell me that I am "much to vibrant to let the enemy to take a...

A friend of mine reminded me not too long ago that "all good things must come to an end" and that's exactly what is happening with Graduate School and my time at Grace University. As I write this blog I am flooded with many emotions just to name a few ... overwhelmed, excited, and nervous. I've been doing a lot of thinking back over the last 3 1/2 years and wow its no longer a light at the end of the tunnel but its reality this is really happening. So I want to take a little trip down memory lane. This time in 2009 Graduate School was a mere thought. I remember I was working for Sandy and Parker DeVore as the Director of Tours. I remember talking to Sandy about the different possibilities of Graduate school but at that point in my life I was looking at becoming a Registered Dietian and going to school in Conway Arkansas at UCA. Omaha well that was just a mystery trip I was planning I knew nothing about Omaha. My job came to an end with Royalty Tour, at the beginning ...