Longterm affects of a life with ED
The harsh reality is eating disorders have longterm affects! The sad part of this reality is that it seems years too late when someone is finally able to hear and accept this reality. You see when someone is in the middle of their eating disorder telling them that their kidneys, heart, stomach, brain etc will be affected by their choices are just simply words that seem like a vapor. They don't hear it, it doesn't sink in and the blunt honest truth is....they don't care! It does not matter! Why? Why don't they care? Why doesn't it matter? Because the emotional pain they are hiding or trying to numb out with the disorder screams much louder than your quiet concern as you try to help the one you love by sharing what consequences are to follow. For many they want to stop, I wanted to quick wrecking havoc on my body all the time but I couldn't. I was stuck. I was addicted. I was SICK!
It saddens me the way we look at mental health issues. We are doing better as a whole recognizing them but there seems to still be such a stigma and so much shame attached to mental health. Diabetes...we get it, we suggest insulin and other health remedies and we don't judge the person or speak down to them because their body isn't working and producing what it is suppose too. Do you realize it's the same with mental health? Some struggle with too much dopamine in their brain or not enough serotonin, and nevermind the fact that one who sustains abuse can have actual struggles with the wiring of their brain where the right side of the brain isn't communicating properly to the left side. I will spare going into the science behind all of this but just know for some they can hold it all together and look like they have it figured out on the outside but on the inside something may not be working properly.
It's been almost 7 year since I sought out treatment for anorexia. It was within the walls of the treatment hospital where I was informed that my heart was not functioning properly and that my kidneys were headed into failure. I received the diagnosis of stage 3 chronic kidney disease and that I was borderline stage 4. So what does that mean? Simply put stage 5 is renal failure and the doctor told me that I was at an even greater risk of having cardiovascular death. For me this shook me to the core. Again I wanted to stop, I wanted to be free but I was stuck. BUT GOD...
Through much prayer, surrendering my will to HIS WILL and a lot of support from my treatment team I began to get out of the pit I was stuck in. Fast forward almost 7 years...
In the the last 8 months I suffered a great amount of physical pain. My joints would ache to the point that I would be in tears as I was getting ready for work but for a several months I told no one and just wrote it off that I was nearing 30 and this was just part of life. But it just seemed to get worse. One doctor mentioned the possibility of lupus but didn't take it any further. As you imagine that caused some anxiety, I did a lot of self research but wasn't fully convinced. I was hospitalized after a horrible outbreak of blisters in my mouth and throat, I lost more than 10 lbs because I was unable to eat anything. I underwent a second foot/ankle surgery. Basically it felt like my body was falling apart. I continued to focus on God and draw near to him through all of this knowing that this physical pain wouldn't last forever and continued to declare healing over myself because if He could renew my kidneys and make them function within normal range with no signs of ever having chronic kidney disease that He could do it again, His healing is for today just as it was yesterday!
A few months ago I went to see an Integrative Medicine doctor. I shared with her all the weird symptoms and issues I had experienced over a 6 month span and she ordered some labs. Okay she ordered a TON of labs! After waiting 2 more months for everything to get back as some had to be sent out it was discovered that my stomach health was wrecking havoc on the rest of my body. And then the harsh reality that my past struggle with an eating disorder was affecting me today. From years of abusing laxatives, purging and restricting my body struggled to process foods and fully empty itself thus the diagnosis of gastroparesis (which I knew I had from previous tests a few years ago). But this doctor discovered some other issues "leaky gut" which she stated correlates to a history of an eating disorder.
So what does all of this mean? It meant that I would have to make the plunge into a new lifestyle of being dairy free and gluten free. This news was hard to swallow. When you're almost 7 years out from treatment you've finally gotten to a point where you have a healthy relationship with food you're told NO gluten and NO dairy! So I have days where I am completely overwhelmed with it and I give in and I partake of foods that have gluten and dairy. It's a process. I've learned to read labels and this time not looking at calories but rather ingredients. Does anxiety and depression still try to creep in...YES. CHANGE IS HARD! But I have had incredible support from those close to me who continue to cheer me on and those not afraid to give me a reality check and ask how I'm doing on the food front!
While this is the harsh reality...eating disorders have longterm affects! I can either let this break me and send me into a tailspin or I can rise above it. The difference with knowing this now is I'm not stuck in the eating disorder, I do care and I am able to fully process the information and take steps in the right direction. One step at a time. I won't do it perfectly no one will or does. I will say that I have noticed a huge difference since I've made the changes and when I do choose to eat gluten or dairy it has a negative affect on me. I still believe in the healing power of my God and am so thankful for all the healing he has already done within this physical body of mine. I will continue to advocate for eating disorder awareness. Do I think knowing all of this information way back when would have stopped or changed my eating disorder behaviors? No. I don't because as I said before "the emotional pain they are hiding or trying to numb out with the disorder screams much louder than your quiet concern as you try to help the one you love by sharing what consequences are to follow."
I will continue to share that there is HOPE, HEALING, RESTORATION and so much more when you reach out and seek help. Recovery is possible its not a myth or a wish its real and its within reach!
I will also continue to share that I am not a diagnosis or a disorder. I am a child of God, His beloved. My identity is in Him not in an eating disorder. I will continue to pray and believe for total and complete healing!
It saddens me the way we look at mental health issues. We are doing better as a whole recognizing them but there seems to still be such a stigma and so much shame attached to mental health. Diabetes...we get it, we suggest insulin and other health remedies and we don't judge the person or speak down to them because their body isn't working and producing what it is suppose too. Do you realize it's the same with mental health? Some struggle with too much dopamine in their brain or not enough serotonin, and nevermind the fact that one who sustains abuse can have actual struggles with the wiring of their brain where the right side of the brain isn't communicating properly to the left side. I will spare going into the science behind all of this but just know for some they can hold it all together and look like they have it figured out on the outside but on the inside something may not be working properly.
It's been almost 7 year since I sought out treatment for anorexia. It was within the walls of the treatment hospital where I was informed that my heart was not functioning properly and that my kidneys were headed into failure. I received the diagnosis of stage 3 chronic kidney disease and that I was borderline stage 4. So what does that mean? Simply put stage 5 is renal failure and the doctor told me that I was at an even greater risk of having cardiovascular death. For me this shook me to the core. Again I wanted to stop, I wanted to be free but I was stuck. BUT GOD...
Through much prayer, surrendering my will to HIS WILL and a lot of support from my treatment team I began to get out of the pit I was stuck in. Fast forward almost 7 years...
In the the last 8 months I suffered a great amount of physical pain. My joints would ache to the point that I would be in tears as I was getting ready for work but for a several months I told no one and just wrote it off that I was nearing 30 and this was just part of life. But it just seemed to get worse. One doctor mentioned the possibility of lupus but didn't take it any further. As you imagine that caused some anxiety, I did a lot of self research but wasn't fully convinced. I was hospitalized after a horrible outbreak of blisters in my mouth and throat, I lost more than 10 lbs because I was unable to eat anything. I underwent a second foot/ankle surgery. Basically it felt like my body was falling apart. I continued to focus on God and draw near to him through all of this knowing that this physical pain wouldn't last forever and continued to declare healing over myself because if He could renew my kidneys and make them function within normal range with no signs of ever having chronic kidney disease that He could do it again, His healing is for today just as it was yesterday!
A few months ago I went to see an Integrative Medicine doctor. I shared with her all the weird symptoms and issues I had experienced over a 6 month span and she ordered some labs. Okay she ordered a TON of labs! After waiting 2 more months for everything to get back as some had to be sent out it was discovered that my stomach health was wrecking havoc on the rest of my body. And then the harsh reality that my past struggle with an eating disorder was affecting me today. From years of abusing laxatives, purging and restricting my body struggled to process foods and fully empty itself thus the diagnosis of gastroparesis (which I knew I had from previous tests a few years ago). But this doctor discovered some other issues "leaky gut" which she stated correlates to a history of an eating disorder.
So what does all of this mean? It meant that I would have to make the plunge into a new lifestyle of being dairy free and gluten free. This news was hard to swallow. When you're almost 7 years out from treatment you've finally gotten to a point where you have a healthy relationship with food you're told NO gluten and NO dairy! So I have days where I am completely overwhelmed with it and I give in and I partake of foods that have gluten and dairy. It's a process. I've learned to read labels and this time not looking at calories but rather ingredients. Does anxiety and depression still try to creep in...YES. CHANGE IS HARD! But I have had incredible support from those close to me who continue to cheer me on and those not afraid to give me a reality check and ask how I'm doing on the food front!
While this is the harsh reality...eating disorders have longterm affects! I can either let this break me and send me into a tailspin or I can rise above it. The difference with knowing this now is I'm not stuck in the eating disorder, I do care and I am able to fully process the information and take steps in the right direction. One step at a time. I won't do it perfectly no one will or does. I will say that I have noticed a huge difference since I've made the changes and when I do choose to eat gluten or dairy it has a negative affect on me. I still believe in the healing power of my God and am so thankful for all the healing he has already done within this physical body of mine. I will continue to advocate for eating disorder awareness. Do I think knowing all of this information way back when would have stopped or changed my eating disorder behaviors? No. I don't because as I said before "the emotional pain they are hiding or trying to numb out with the disorder screams much louder than your quiet concern as you try to help the one you love by sharing what consequences are to follow."
I will continue to share that there is HOPE, HEALING, RESTORATION and so much more when you reach out and seek help. Recovery is possible its not a myth or a wish its real and its within reach!
I will also continue to share that I am not a diagnosis or a disorder. I am a child of God, His beloved. My identity is in Him not in an eating disorder. I will continue to pray and believe for total and complete healing!
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